However, if we don’t do something about it, we’ll keep getting onto the same magic roundabout! Experiencing the same relationship issues, or health problems.

Trust me, overcoming triggers are the key to regaining our calm and get our power back!

The 5 steps described in this video take us through a technique to help us through this process : )

1. Slow your breathing right down.
2. Walk away.
3. Track the hidden belief of origin using the colour therapy technique described in the video.
4. Reprogram negative beliefs with your affirmations.
5. Finally, the cherry on the cake is to get a bit excited, to welcome this opportunity to know ourselves better. You will no longer dread being triggered, and therefore dilute any sense of anxiety : )

Hope it helps, Vx

We talk about the MIND BODY & SPIRIT connection – not just the Mind & Body! I personally picture them as a trinity working along together.

Positive, optimistic people are happier, healthier and live a better life. They often enjoy more success than those who think negatively. After hours of counseling and mindfulness, I came to the realisation that some people choose to focus on positive thoughts, even though they do have negative ones from time to time. They learn to screen their thoughts, and somehow find a way to push away negative ones. What do you tend to do? Would you count yourself as a positive person?

This 2-minute video will explain the key difference between positive vs negative thoughts – but most importantly how to start training your mind to think in a more positive way. “Most of us would prefer to be positive rather than negative. Notice how when you think positive thoughts, you don’t allow your mind to consider any negative thoughts. The aim of this video is to show you a way to let go of no unwanted thoughts.

Try to carry out this exercise just for now… for the moment. Repeat this exercise again and again until it becomes a habit… many moments added together make a day and eventually a week… a month a year and an entire life)

Do you find yourself looking over your shoulder, self-conscious, or anxious about how your actions will look to others? This short video will help you put in place a new coping mechanism.

We have all had one of those nights. A long, dark night which reaches out endlessly until the morning and your only companion is your thoughts. Dark, scary thoughts which torture and keep you from rest until the necessity of the next day dawns. I had one of those nights at the end of last year.

The next day I went to see my GP; one of my nipples had doubled in size and was showing red pimples. After examining me, he told me that if my symptoms hadn’t reduced or improved within a week I needed to undergo further investigation to eliminate the possibility of cancer…

Back home I was filled with an intense panic. I was in floods of tears, I couldn’t organise my thoughts. During the previous night before seeing the doctor, I concluded that I was OK about the possibility dying but now it was a real possibility, the idea I would leave my 16-year-old daughter behind without a mum was terrifying me. I repeatedly heard a voice in my head telling me “she wasn’t ready – she still needed me”!!

I brought up my daughter without any support from family who all live in France and without much support from her dad as he moved away soon after the divorce. All the school runs, exam anxiety, high temperatures and sleepless nights had just been us two, sticking together – trying to make it through, a little team. The fear of Ashlie not being strong enough to emotionally deal with my loss was tearing me apart.

I did what I often do, I prayed. Prayers have always been my refuge, one of my coping mechanisms. They are for me, like airbags, protecting me in the middle of a collision.

When I prayed this time, the difference was; I surrendered – I let go of everything around me and somehow, I felt my mind do a U turn. I experienced a light bulb moment and felt a vail lift from in front of me.

This is what I realised in this moment;

• Having previously spent time worrying about the how I had messed up, I could now see and feel everything I had done well. This feeling was amazing, I surprised myself smiling when I had been sobbing only a few moments earlier. I was SO happy I had succeeded in focussing on the things I had achieved and this is key to happiness; so, celebrate everything you achieved in life, from learning to ride a bike to getting your first job, let go of worries and embrace Gratitude. It is so powerful.
• I had spent years trying to adapt my behaviour to other people’s way of being – I found myself letting go – there was no time for it – I was just going to go with my own gut feeling. I’m not sure how to explain it except to say that it is a life without any complications. When people are angry with you it’s not what you’ve done but what they see in you and how they have chosen to react. If deep inside it feels right and fair to you, then just go for it.
• I didn’t want to discuss the diagnosis with anybody until I had digested it myself and took the time I needed. This isn’t being selfish, this is doing what is right for you. Other’s reactions, good or bad, were just that; how they chose to react.
• This time praying and using my intuition was blissful…. I was in a state of real happiness. It was as if I had entered a different dimension for a few seconds, these realisations about my life, my health and what might happen if the diagnosis was cancer made sense instantly, yet it felt like I was in this zone for a while.

Things I had learnt and read over the last 20 years were rushing through my mind with an utter simplicity that I could experience with all my senses. I could picture the letting go of resentment and took ownership of my share of the responsibilities for past failures. I was no longer in the victim triangle.

It was clear as crystal, I wasn’t going to waste a minute more of my life regretting the past or worrying about the future. My conscious mind / filter/ reasoning side took over. Every CBT and NLP technique I had learned took over, I could see, hear and sense each one of them in a clear and simple way. I just picked up a pen and started my own mental cleansing which I have since then been practicing daily as a kind of “mental hygiene”.

Have FUN every single day

• SAVOUR every moment – use mindfulness!
• Allow your inner child out.
• Take any piece of clothing that doesn’t make you feel like a million dollars to the charity shop and only wear clothes that make you happy, if it means you’re wearing sparkly stuff every day, then so be it!

Accept myself and every part of me as I AM with unconditional positive regard

• Let go of fear whether it is a fear of (shame, failure or rejection)
• Let go of self-criticism. If I wouldn’t say it to my daughter, then I no longer tell it to myself.
• Remove “should” from vocabulary and replace it by “I would rather” we ALWAYS do the best we can with the information we have at the time, should implies we’ve done something wrong. Let go of it.

Let go of resentment

• Take ownership – observe the part you played in the event.
• What did you gain from the experience? (self-reliance, freedom, compassion, empathy, better understanding of yourself, what you want or no longer want out of a relationship, a new career, an opportunity to rest and reflect, a deeper connection with your higher-self…)

Focus on something greater than you

• Notice who you have helped or been useful to at the end of each day

Raise your energy level

• Be genuinely GRATEFUL for something new each day (my crispy bed linen, my beautiful flowers, the sunshine on my skin, my sweet little car, my heated seat, every single part of my healthy organs and body, a strong immune system.

Boost my immune system

• Doing my utmost to eat healthily for the day
• Select healthy lighter food that will feed my body vitamins and zinc iron proteins… at a cellular level, no longer fill my stomach with non-nutritious food.
• Move more (going or walk, park my car further away, join a salsa group or go swimming.

When you have an ISSUE (not a problem)

• You can do something about it
  • Draw a list of bullet points to solve it
  • Act on this list
  • Delegate the items you cannot implement yourself
• It’s out of your control, it’s a “Worry”
  • Shrink it! How?
  • Replace the worrying thought with a positive affirmation.
  • Picture the outcome you wish to obtain – NOT the way you get there.
  • Suspend all doubt – even if it doesn’t happen, you’ll have had a magnificent time whilst waiting.

When I saw the oncologist, and was given the clear, I promised myself to help as many people benefit from my experience. I will cover these 7 points and how to achieve them in my first Hypnos CD which will be out later this year.

Something happened to me recently that reminded me of the importance of the 5 Languages of Love – and it got me thinking about how a lack of the right kind of love manifests itself and what you can do about it. Let me explain….

Since starting up my business, I have wanted to be featured in Muddy Stilettos (muddystilettos.co.uk), a brilliant local guide that started as a fantastic blog covering Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire, and that has now grown into a multi-territory UK franchise. When Hero, the editor, agreed to have a treatment with me to then write a review of my services, I should have been elated.

But I was terrified. What if she wrote something negative? What if a negative review destroyed my business in the local area? What if my services just weren’t her thing?

I felt so anxious about it that I nearly cancelled the appointment. But I thought about what an opportunity I’d be passing up if I cancelled, so I took a deep breath and went ahead.  On the day I was incredibly nervous, determined not to say or do the wrong thing. But as we settled into our counselling work, I forgot that Hero was here to review my services. She simply became another client with whom I connected on a deep level.  After our Reiki work, we even had a mini life planning session on the doorstep as we said our goodbyes. All my nerves had faded away. I could just be me.

A few months later, her review appeared. It was brilliant and I could not have been happier. When I read her kind words, it felt like it was my wedding day.  I was buzzing! I hadn’t realised how much I needed someone to tell me that I was doing a good job.  That’s when it hit me: my love tank needed topping up.

What’s a love tank?

Each of us has an emotional tank inside of us that is filled with love. Love can be expressed in many different ways but each of us has a love language or languages that we understand most easily. When we receive love in the language we understand, our tank is filled. When it’s not, we run on empty.

The five languages of love, as defined by author Gary Chapman, are:

• words of affirmation
• acts of service
• receiving gifts
• quality time
• physical touch

I know that what fills up my love tank are words of affirmation and physical touch. But as a self-employed, single mother I don’t get much of either.  I have no boss telling me I’ve done a good job. There aren’t any performance appraisals. I have no partner giving me affection or telling me nice things…

And yes, I have my child who I adore and who loves me in return, but like many mothers know, we get love by proxy. In other words, when we give our children a hug or stroke their hair, we feel loved even though we are the ones giving the love rather than getting it. When I embrace a friend or gently tuck a client’s feet in a blanket as they relax into their session, I am getting love and touch by proxy – giving it and therefore receiving something in return.

But it’s not quite enough. Sometimes we need to experience love directly, in a love language that we understand.  Reading Hero’s words about me was exactly the affirmation I needed to feel loved and happy. She was speaking my love language. (On the flip side, giving of gifts is not my love language but I wanted to thank her for her article, so I sent her some flowers – but failed to add a card!)

My point?

Everyone has a specific love language that resonates with them, a particular language they understand better and communicate more effectively in.

Once we understand what our love language is, we learn more about ourselves.  And once we understand what makes us happy, we can take responsibility for our happiness. This is particularly true when you reach your mid-forties and go through what many people call a mid-life crisis, but which I like to think of as mid-life enlightenment. It’s your time to look at your life and get greater insight into who you are and what makes you happy.   And then take responsibility for making it happen!

How do you know if you have an empty love tank?

An empty love tank can manifest itself in many ways. Here are a few:

• Depression: you feel down, unloved and / or unlovable
• Weight issues: you eat to find the comfort and love that you’re not getting elsewhere
• Relationship issues: your partner may be trying really hard, but because you’re speaking different love languages you’re not feeling loved
• Feeling lost: not knowing what you want to do with your life and lacking direction may be a result of not knowing what makes you happy.

I can help you in all of these areas. If you would like help figuring out what your love languages are, how a lack of love is potentially affecting your life and what you can do to fix that, get in touch.

Until then, why not share in the comments what you think your love language is and how full your love tank is right now?

Feeling stuck in a rut is overwhelming, confusing, draining and extremely stressful.  Sometimes its hard to imagine how we will ever get out of it.

The human ‘hierarchy of needs’ is a useful, simple and highly effective tool to help us understand why we are stuck, and how to move on.  The diagram below shows our needs in order of priority (with our essential requirements shown at the bottom of the pyramid).

Unless those most basic of needs are met, we simply cannot reach the higher levels of self-fulfilment.  And once we have reached a level, we may not always remain there.

MOVING THROUGH THE LEVELS:  We can find ourselves moving down to the lower levels at certain times in our lives, as our minds  may unconsciously abandon the level we are on in order to meet the lower needs.

For example, a major life event such as a redundancy, or a divorce may mean we have to refocus on our financial affairs and find a new home. A feeling of financial and domestic security are the essential building blocks of the pyramid.

Its not always a ‘crisis’ which causes us to refocus on the lower levels.  We may be in a relationship, supporting children and a mortgage  and find we have grown apart from our partner.  The pyramid explains why, as our minds are focusing on meeting the immediate needs of our of young family, and our brains instinctively move away from the ‘intimacy’ level of the pyramid in order to focus on a more primary level of providing for our kids.

The first four levels are instinctively activated when we have a deficit, “a fear of lacking of something”.  Self-Actualisation is the only need that the brain seeks solely for self-development.

USING THE PYRAMID:  An understanding of this essential ‘hierarchy of needs’ allows us to manage the anxiety that may come with change in our lives.  Once we know what’s missing in our lives, and the source of our stress, we can climb out of the rut, and move on more easily.

Take a look and decide which level best describes where you are in your life and where you are not totally fulfilled. Then take actions to meet and secure the needs of the level that are not fully complete.   Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a tool for transformation. Learn to use it to explore yourself and get out of a life you no longer like. It will help you become the person YOU want to be and also build the right life for YOU.

We can also use the pyramid to help us understand our children’s behaviour and fears. It allows us to give them the tools to meet their basic needs so that they can move up to a higher level.  If these needs are not fulfilled during childhood it can lead to trauma and low self-esteem as an adult.

SELF DEVELOPMENT STEPS:

Self development is about becoming comfortable in our skin.  These 10 steps will help us meet our needs, move up the pyramid and achieve self accomplishment:

1. Be real: Notice when you are being real v. putting on an act, (dishonesty and truth).
2. Don’t worry: Live in the moment and enjoy the journey.  Try something new!
3. Don’t dwell: If there is something you no longer like about yourself or your life, investigate it and change it.
4. Be self-reliant: Try not to latch on to somebody else due to emotional or financial need.
5. Be sincere: Make sure your relationships are deep and meaningful.  Try not to be driven by social pressures
6. Be ethical: Develop your sense of right and wrong.
7. Have fun!: Remember how to laugh at yourself and life in general
8. Don’t judge:  Accept yourself and the perspectives of others without judgement.
9. Be yourself: You are good enough.  You don’t need to try to be anyone else or to try to be superior to others.
10. Be Spontaneous: React naturally, try not to over analyse

And remember, the journey is IT, so the secret is to make your utmost to have lots of fun on your way there… 🙂 x

The human race has evolved over the centuries, living in tribes and to this day, we still need the sense of safety we get from our ‘tribe’ of friends or family. We fear rejection and can find it difficult to cope with being alone.

It is so important not to underestimate this profound human need.  Ultimately a feeling of ‘not-belonging’ can lead to a sense of loneliness or inferiority, which in turn can have a direct impact on our self-esteem.  At one point or another we’ve all experienced a desire to fit in and be accepted by others.  It helps us see value in life and cope better with life’s many hurdles.

Some of us meet this need by joining a church, taking up a social hobby, or spending time with family and friends. Social media can also help us feel connected with others (but digital interactions can never replace human ones).  However, many of us experience emotional and physical loneliness throughout our struggles to discover our sense of belonging.

We may even end up trying to mould ourselves to suit someone else’s expectations, and consequently lose our own sense of who we really are.   We need to accept that ‘belonging’ is about having the courage to join in with others, whilst staying true ourselves.  We should not have to adapt our behaviour to constantly try and please others.

MY STORY

I want to share my own personal ‘belonging’ story with you.  I grew up in France but moved to England over 22 years ago and in order to fit in, I had to work very hard indeed to learn English and build a new life here.

The more time I spent here the more I fell in love with this beautiful country, the culture and the people (and your beautiful accent – which I have never mastered!).  I so admire the way that English people respect others, and I love how volunteering and charity work is so much a part of everyone’s lives. Oh – and I just adore the food – from wintry Sunday Roasts and fry-ups to summery Pimms and strawberries!

I threw myself into every aspect of life here, but even after so many years, there was something missing.  I needed to be formally accepted as British in order to feel like I truly belonged here, so I decided to apply for citizenship.

I spent 10 months preparing the endless paperwork required to apply to the Home Office for citizenship.  Finally, after an exam, and a rigorous interview, I was invited to swear my loyalty to Her Majesty The Queen.

As of 30th April 2016, I am now the proud bearer of a British Passport!  It’s not easy to put into words how much happiness my British citizenship has brought me.  The amazing feeling of acceptance has given me a rock solid foundation upon which to build my future, as well as bringing me so much strength and joy.

BEGINNING TO BELONG

If you are on your own personal journey towards acceptance or belonging, it is worth trying the following:

• Notice what is similar between you and others, rather than focusing on the differences
• Be open-minded and don’t expect to always agree with other people.  State your own opinions, and let them air theirs.  You can agree to disagree, and accept others as they are.
• Use validation to build relationships.   Demonstrate empathy towards the way other people may be feeling, and use positive body language and a smile to emphasise your understanding.
• Try saying ‘yes’ to new invitations and go beyond your usual comfort zone.  Try letting go of your any judgements of fears you may have.  Don’t focus on details that you may not like about the experience, but instead work on building a rapport with the people you are with.
• If you feel conscious of your weight, and tempted to hide yourself away then please stop punishing yourself.  No one is perfect and we all have issues that we are trying to overcome.
• Avoid the temptation to try and ‘fix’ other people’s problems.  Every one has their own way of dealing with life.  Mostly people just want a non-judgemental listening ear.
• Try not to blame yourself or others as this is just an emotional drain for everyone.  Let go of the past, and only hang on to the best experiences or memories when you move on.

Or if you’re not too sure where to start and need support– we can use a combination of visualisations, NLP or hypnotherapy or hypnotherapy to help you get there more easily

How to lose weight by nourishing your body and your mind

Do you find yourself in a cycle of eating and soon thereafter, feeling hungry again? Are you gaining weight or know you need to lose weight but can’t stop feeling hungry? Here’s probably why:

Despite our food portions getting bigger, the nutritional value our food gives us is declining. Fast food, ready meals, diet sandwiches, sugary snacks, processed and refined foods – all of these are so poor in vitamins, minerals and healthy proteins that we are starving on a cellular level.

Your body is made from water and living cells that have to be fed vitamins and minerals in order to survive. Our skin replaces itself every 35 days, our liver once a month. Our body makes these new cells from the foods we eat.

When we eat foods that stop hunger but don’t give us the nutrients our bodies need to regenerate these cells, our bodies stay hungry and send signals to our brains to eat more.  This constant eating adds to weight gain without giving our body what it needs.

We all know that the ideal would be to fill our plates with fresh fruits, vegetables, herbs and lean proteins, but with the best of intentions, our busy lives often get in the way of this food ideal. Even when we try diets, old habits kick in and temptation takes over. When we don’t see results fast, we give up.

The solution

After working with many clients who battle with weight loss, I realised that a two-pronged approach was needed to get the best results:

1. Mental and emotional retraining
2. Easy to follow meals that feed bodies at a cellular level and that fit into busy lifestyles

After researching the many food options available on the market, I chose the Cambridge Diet plan as the best solution for my weight loss clients. For over 30 years Cambridge has invested in research and development to ensure their food packs provide the perfect daily allowance of 30 vitamins, minerals and proteins, which feed the body at a cellular level.

With Cambridge, average weight loss is 1 stone a month. The meals allow the stomach to retract back to its normal size, which should be the size of a fist.

But no-one wants to live on food supplements forever. Food brings joy to life. Which is why I support my clients mentally and emotionally as they work through the Cambridge plan. I educate them on which foods offer the same nutritional value as the meal packs and how to add those to their diets going forward. I combine this with NLP, mindfulness and hypnotherapy to help clients let go of old eating habits and replace them with more helpful ones.

The result? Healthier, happier, slimmer clients who lose the weight for good.

Changing our diet will only take us so far. We need to retrain our brain and the way it thinks about food.

Let’s do this together so that your body and brain are nourished and you can embrace a new you.

To find out more about my weight loss support services please click here.